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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23074354">this willow tree is skeletal</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedmachinery/pseuds/icedmachinery'>icedmachinery</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/icemachine/pseuds/icemachine'>icemachine</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doom Patrol (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, How Do I Tag This, Introspection, Keeg Bovo Uses Xe/Xer Pronouns, Neopronouns</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 09:47:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,162</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23074354</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedmachinery/pseuds/icedmachinery, https://archiveofourown.org/users/icemachine/pseuds/icemachine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The inside of Larry's mind, as xe adjusts to it, houses a narrow tower that reaches the sky.</p><p> </p><p>(What is it like to live inside of Larry Trainor?)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Keeg Bovo &amp; Larry Trainor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>this willow tree is skeletal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>warnings: suicide implied, horror, homophobia</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Keeg, at first, thinks that xe can save Larry. That despite the horrific circumstances—-despite being caged here—-like an animal, like something untamed—-that must be kept away from the world—--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keeg still thinks that xe can help him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tries to make the unfortunate situation into something palpable, tries to forage for hope. Xe feels as if there is a piece of Larry Trainor that can be salvaged, transformed into artwork, opened and opened.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The inside of his mind---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The inside of his mind tells a different story, screams </span>
  <em>
    <span>foolish </span>
  </em>
  <span>to xer uncharacteristic feelings of saviors. Like that is something that xe can ever reach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keeg Bovo saves Larry Trainor's life as he burns, as everything that could be labelled hope or skin or flesh melts away. Knows that he'll never be touched again, will never feel the warmth of brushing skin----the spark of intimate contact----but this is something that xe has never felt, either. It's foreign, an alien concept, but it is so important as xe settles into Larry's mind. As he burns he thinks about ruin. As he burns he thinks, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no one will ever want to touch me, my monstrousness visible now,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and he does not know yet the implications of craving touch, does not yet know the truth of the connections within him, a welded nervous system &amp; a frozen body. Body. Body. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He thinks about bodies. The body of Larry's lover puts out the fire after his collapse, the body of Larry's lover is inhabited by the soul of Larry's lover &amp; xe can see traces of his soul within Larry. Like footsteps. Like particles in the air. Like the ghost of a hand on Larry's hips. Like words losing their poetic aura.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The inside of Larry's mind, as xe adjusts to it, houses a narrow tower that reaches the sky -- the extraterrestrial layer of this -- and the space widens and hollows as Keeg enters the tower, moves through the walls of it, the structure no longer narrow and instead universe-vast. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Back to bodies. There are several bodies in front of xer, hanging by the neck between two hallways that seem to have no light within them. Two small children, young boys. Larry's children.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One woman, whose feet are dangling over the glassy floor, meeting the ground at the very tip of her toes and nowhere else. Her face is damp and lifeless, as if she had been crying before the end. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This is Larry’s wife. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Xe feels an overwhelming pain as xe stares at her body; xe has never felt this kind of suffering—-</span>
  <em>
    <span>pain—-</span>
  </em>
  <span>it cannot be described, emotional and physical, burning and soldering regret into every element of xer composition. Keeg forces xer gaze away, buries xerself in the darkness of Hallway One. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keeg has to choose a path, here. Instinct: if xe chooses one hallway, the other will disappear. A lot of things disappear here, only to resurface later, with teeth. That is the natural state of the human mind, as far as xe knows.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The lighting is dim &amp; the walls are an inexplicable shade of gray that seems to be constantly shifting in tone; sometimes it is near-white, other times encroaching on pure black. Xe weighs the options.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hallway One elicits a feeling of deep seething hatred as xe stares into its void. The inhabitants of this path are not pleasant, but nothing in this atmosphere seems pleasant. It would be the most informative path.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If Keeg has to be stuck with this man, xe should try to understand him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hallway Two sings of somewhat happier times, as xe turns to scry into it. But somehow xe knows that it is shorter, that most of its contents also have bitter aspects. Xe can feel the torment he has experienced, the suffering that has been forced through him; </span>
  <em>
    <span>this is not going to be easy.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Xe picks the first hallway.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Keeg floats into its territory and it lights up—-bright, blinding. The entrance has disappeared; there is no longer an exit, only a white wall closing off where the bodies were once hanged.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Xe is going to be stuck here, </span>
  <em>
    <span>forever—</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>A door manifests in front of xer. Old, wooden; the handle is chipped and loose, crumbles when xe grasps it and moves through. It opens to a child’s bedroom, the walls painted baby blue. Paper airplanes, airplane toys---littering the floor, soaking through the aura of the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the bed—-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Larry is in his bed and his bed is much too big for his childhood body. He is holding his pillow over his face. Outside, xe can hear:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gerald, what are we going to </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>do </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>with him? Elizabeth Richards pulled me aside at church and said he tried to hold her son’s hand.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t know. I don’t… I don’t know. I still say it’s too early to confirm anything. I mean, he’s ten, for God’s sake.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It doesn’t matter. If he keeps this up, our entire lives will be ruined. Elizabeth is already threatening to tell the pastor.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Elizabeth hates us. She’s lying.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Open your eyes. He’s sick, already sick, and if we don’t do something he’s going to grow up even sicker.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Xe moves over to Larry, tries to pull the pillow away - to understand, </span>
  <em>
    <span>why can’t xe understand - what the problem is here—-</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>but it’s frozen. This is a memory; Keeg has no influence here. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The door eventually cracks open by itself; it leads into a shared bathroom, and Larry is wrapping a towel around his waist as he exits a communal shower. His eyes are entirely focused on the floor, motionless - cold - static.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Trainor, you okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another man, entirely bare, approaches him. Larry’s stare remains fixed in the same spot, though; if he looks up, xe thinks, then it will all be over. Keeg does not know what will end for him, yet, but knows that if he looks up he will shatter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look at me. You sure you’re feeling okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said I’m fine,” he breathes, falters, </span>
  <em>
    <span>mistake, </span>
  </em>
  <span>doesn’t look up, </span>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>“my head just hurts a little bit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” says the man. “For a second there I thought maybe you just didn’t want me to catch you staring at my ass.” He playfully hits Larry’s shoulder, bursts into laughter. “Just kidding, man. I know you’re not like that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Larry forces a laugh in response. The scenery darkens; goes entirely black, voidlike, until another door appears in the middle of the shadows.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It looks the same as the original door. Decrepit, old, fragile. The only difference is that it leads into another hallway—-this time with several doors, each varying in color and shape. They look intriguing. They look permanent, filled and engraved with discovery. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Xe will understand him; this is an invitation, a subconscious opening.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the outside they are transporting Larry to a hospital to treat his burns. Keeg cannot stop this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Xe is going to be here for a while.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i don't know what this is really. i just felt a need to write Something.</p><p>pls kudos + comment if enjoyed ! and <a href="http://keegbovo.tumblr.com">hmu on tumblr!</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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